posted 09-07-2002 03:10 PM PT (US) 
10. You're lobbying hard to get all three
toddlers on the upcoming "Survivor:
Africa." 9. "Maybe you'd be more popular, son, if
you were good at something."
8. You've earned "Platinum Preferred Guest"
status on the Jerry Springer Show.
7. Not only is it unsafe to let little Jeremy
drive at age 9, but the windows on the
getaway car aren't even bullet-proof.
6. Instead of spit and a handkerchief, you
clean your kids' faces with turpentine
and sandpaper -- because that's the way
*your* father did it.
5. You suspect your son may not be getting
the Ayatollah's full recommended daily
allowance of floggings.
4. All of Bobby's teenaged friends hang at
your place -- because you roll the best.
3. "Okay, okay! You can stay up to watch
South Park. Now be a good girl and give
Daddy back his Smith & Wesson."
2. Rather than spend money on expensive lessons,
you teach little Suzy how to tap dance the
old fashioned way... with a loaded revolver.
1. You keep confusing Similac with Sambuca.
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