posted 08-19-2001 12:01 PM PT (US)
[ed: OK, this one is kind of lame - but it ticked someone off on another board, so what the heck.]
If you find a black widow in your house, then guess what: You didn't. No, it's not a black widow. Repeat: YOU DID NOT FIND A BLACK WIDOW. Yes, I know you think that you did, and that you've told everyone that you did, and that you want to think you did - but you didn't. So pipe down and stop embarrassing yourself and making yourself look like an idiot.
Yes, the truth is that on rare occasions when someone claims to have found a black widow - probably less than 1 in 100 claims - they actually have found one. However, the overwhelmingly vast majority of the time the claim comes from some paranoid ignoramous who prefers to believe that every black spider (or even every spider) that they ever see is, in fact, a black widow. Hell, I've seen people point at boll weevles and identify them as black widows. :rolleyes:
Then there's spider bites - the little "welt" that someone mentioned above. I'm almost 34 years old, and I've never, ever, ever seen a spider bite me. Further, I've had lots of people tell me that they were bit by a spider - they point to a little welt on their arm - and I ask:
"So, you saw it bite you?"
The answer is always (yes, always): "No, it bit me in my sleep."
My next question, "So how do you know it was a spider?"
Sometimes they just look at me with a stare that seems to say, "How dare you question the judgment of ME, the Princess Queen???" (which tells me right away that they don't have a clue what they're talking about), but other times I get the answer, "I recognize the welt."
My next question, "From where? You've watched a spider bite you before and leave such a welt?"
Their answer? "Oh, no...but...I just know it's a spider bite."
And these people are allowed to vote.